Please contact me with better ideas for a name!
I found it. I found a place where you can get a proper cup of american coffee (pretty close anyway, they still insist on filtering milk instead of water). It really feels like home. I've probably gone four times now. Last time I got a tour which was cool!
It was really funny the way the worker giving me the tour was anticipating my reactions, as if I somehow knew how a McDonalds was supposed to run by virtue of my being American. Little does he know I'm just some shmo who barely passed his federally-mandated highschool McDonalds Management class.